I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
