i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
