and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
