Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
