I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
