I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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