i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize