ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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