You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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