i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
