Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
