What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize