My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
