You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
