When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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