I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize