How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
birth control should be required to get into college
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
