I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
