Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
