i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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