Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
