If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
