somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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