Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
