She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
