I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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