I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
