her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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