Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
