i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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