Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
