i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
