i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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