It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I could fuck to npr.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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