...so i touched it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
