Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
