I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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