Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize