dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
