the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
