oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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