very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
false alarm. still invincible.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
