I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
