I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
