I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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