I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
worst night to have a conscience
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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