Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
