I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
