God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
