at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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