good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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