Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My dick has a subreddit
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
