Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize