Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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