just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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