Pants 0. Shit 1.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
