how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize