I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
