i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
