I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Welp...herpes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
