Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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