I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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