If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
handjob tips. give me some.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
