Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
