party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
