He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize