I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
