You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize