Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
